I understand this is a primarily NHL blog- but what NHL is going on right now? Along with that, there's sparse blog postings because there's just generally not a whole lot to ridicule when Burrows and Crosby aren't readily available to nitpick. So, I've decided to take you on a journey to South Burlington where the University of Vermont Catamounts call Gutterson Arena home (but I just call it a dump). In any case, my Thanksgiving break was spent in the depths of Gutterson, where Catamount fans were not only welcoming, but altogether humble, given the lack of entertainment they receive on the ice.
Now, I realize the blog title is probably more generic than it should be. After all, it's really just Vermont hockey that's going down the tubes. And to be even more specific, it's Vermont's arena announcer and overall atmosphere that is dismal. Not only was the naming and timing of penalties and goals simply pathetic, but it also gave off an amateur-ish vibe that makes me lose all faith in D1 hockey. Without further ado, here are just five of the reasons why Vermont hockey is underwhelming (but I assure you there's more..):
#5. High School-esque Arena
Although the Catamounts ice rink is somewhat out of their control, the environment was still lackadaisical and misguided. The "student section" (and I use the term loosely) was silent and unenergetic, unless their team scored, which admittedly was few and far between. The fact that UVM's athletic department couldn't spare a few bucks to install some actual seats so fans don't have to sit on bleachers is actually disappointing. I understand this is a small hockey franchise and all, but your team made it to the tourney a few years ago. This team isn't pure trash, or rather they at least have a few up years mixed in with their down. The entire production was reeked of high school ice forums (although most high schools at least have pep bands to add some energy, right?). All in all, the entire college hockey production was lacking, although maybe I'm expecting too much since Minnesota high school hockey is second to none. Not to mention the atmosphere was unfortunately the least of their problems..
#4. Wait...Who's in the Box?
Now on to bigger and more unapologetic issues- the PA guy. I'm hoping and praying that this dumbass was just filling in for the normal guy over Thanksgiving, but I have a sneaking suspicion this may not be the case. First of all, more often than not half of a given penalty had expired before the announcer got around to finally calling who's in the box and for what. Not only that, but the guy clearly had no clue what players were even on which team, nor what penalties the refs were calling. For example, the first penalty of the night on Friday was against Bjugstad. We all saw him skate to the box. We all saw him sit in the box. We all knew he was residing in the box for over a minute and a half before the announcer had to tell us. Yet who does he announce is in the box? #27 for the Catamounts. Yes, you read that correctly. Not only did he spend five minutes looking over his rosters to figure out who #27 was, but he also clearly didn't have the neurons to make sure he was talking about the correct team. The Catamounts have been sustaining pressure in the offensive zone for two minutes, for fucks sake, they're sure as hell not doing that shorthanded. Also, Marshall apparently was given 2 minutes on Saturday for "pushing" but that's an entirely new blog all on its own.
#3. Get Ready for the 3rd Quarter!
Who knew we switched from periods to quarters, cause clearly I missed that memo within the 15 years I've been attending games. The terrible part is that this mistake happened twice. Being a complete disgrace once is quite enough, but when you can't even read the scoreboard to see the proper units of time in a game, then I fear that there are more pressing issues you have.
#2. Starting Lineup Slipups
Alright guys, brace yourselves, we're getting to the real nitty gritty of announcer fails here. It was Friday, November 23rd. The Gopher fans in the building wanted to cheer on their starters in the anticipation of a thorough beating. Wilcox starts in net, cheers cheers praise yay, a first line which I'm not sure who was on it (but I assume the Bjugstad-Rau-Isackson combo) and more applause which was clearly heard over the dominating silence by UVM fans. Schmidty skates to the blue line as his name is called and we all clap because we know he's the best d-man the Gophers have seen since Leopold. Then......that's it. Dim the lights cause here comes the Catamount lineup. Wait. Hold on a sec. Thank you, god foresaken, PA guy, cause you just proved from the get-go that you're a complete moron that apparently can't count to six even though you have two hands. Either that or you were too much of a wimp to attempt Brady Skjei's name, which is a real possibility, I might add. Cue the Catamount fan next to Krystle confusedly murmuring that we only have four starters sans goalie. Yes, dumbass, we can see that there are only 4 actual skaters standing on the blue line. We're actually just gonna play one man down the whole game to make it a fair fight.
#1. Nick Buhjoogstad, Nick Schmidt, & Kyle Cow
Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the weekend was the announcer's complete and utter lack of studying up on other teams happens. Bjugstad made quite an impact on Friday, both on the score sheet and in the penalty box, which gave Mr. PA plenty of opportunities to figure out how to say his name. It began with the Pakistani war terrorist, Nick BOO-jig-stad, then somewhere along the line morphed into the Norwegian [(c) Rachael Dashiell] viking, Nick Buh-JOOG-stad, and just never got to the way that his name really should be said. I understand that this is a seemingly tough name to pronounce, but honestly, we're talking about one of the top players in all NCAA hockey, it really is a sad state of affairs when someone of his talent is publicly shamed like that.
I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time on Nick Schmidt, because this was obviously just the guy going totally Helen Keller and/or ignorant and not being able to read a line sheet, but whatever. What's done is done. What is the real deal is how Kyle Cow is apparently just that. At some point this season we lost our dear Kyle Rau to mad cow disease. Why no one felt the need to tell anybody is beyond me. Okay, but in all seriousness, the only even remotely plausible explanation is that the PA guy did a little more homework than I originally thought and went onto the Gopher hockey website where there are a few pronunciations for some of the tougher names (evidently he skipped over Bjugstad). On the webiste, for Kyle Rau's name, it reads "rhymes with cow". Now, either this incompetent toolbox also skipped over the "rhymes with" part, or he, again, must have problems larger than being illiterate. I prefer the latter because then he seems like a little bit less of a dunce. Although I knew I shouldn't have expected much when he didn't even pronounce Brunateau's (a CATAMOUNT PLAYER, mind you) name right. For pete's sake even I know how to pronounce Brunateau and I'm not even responsible for it. /endrant
